It has been awhile since I last wrote you a letter, mum has been busy being mum and sneaking momentary breaks has proven to be harder.
The fact is I realized now more than ever than mummy is your security blankie, I am your binky. At first I thought it was monkey from nong nong or dragoncorn from the castle of ikea but no it is me.
And that said every time i leave your side at night results to a crying fit which can wake up everybody in our home. At times I find it cute at times frustrating especially when i need to pee but then i see you and it all goes away. I just sneak away quickly or resort to carrying you with me inside the restroom while i pee. Now that I write it,it sounds super funny something straight out of memes i see but it is a real thing.
Now more than ever you test mummy. You know what makes me smile and you try out different things to discover what makes me frown. When i do so and say no you turn your smile upside down, breathe deeply and burst into tears. This also happens when i scold you and say no, believe me love when i say that that is hard but i have to.
It breaks my heart when you cry but I need to be mummy. I remember when i said no to you a few nights ago you cried and ran to your granny for comfort. I said no because you were playing with the electric wire silly bunny. I said no because i didn’t want you to get hurt. I said no to save you from harm. Of course in your mind it is just mummy being kj mummy being no-fun.
It hurt my heart when you ran to granny for comfort and when you tried as much as you can not to notice mummy even when i was just a few inches away from you. I waited for your anger to subside and perhaps for you to understand that mummy just wanted you to be safe from harm. It felt like a decade waiting for you to approach me but when you did you asked me to carry you. I did and you hugged mummy oh so tight, with your head resting on my heart, your hand enveloping my shoulders. You stayed that way for almost half an hour and i knew it was your way of saying mummy I’m sorry.
Oh bunny how that made mummy’s heart leap. That somehow you understood me that you are now learning how to say sorry. I am so proud of you my love because you are becoming a good girl with a big heart.
For now i will end my letter, i am still in transit from the Facebook Ph launch stuck in a van on the way home. I will see you real soon and I promise to hug you back with kisses forever and ever.