Advance Reward for Bunny’s First Year

It has been a year, already. ALREADY! Now I fully get what other parent’s or grandparents mean when they say that time flies by so fast. It does! I honestly wanted to hit the pause button, but of course we don’t have the awesome remote from Click. This meant enjoying each and every single moment that we have with Bunny.

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11 months and 20 days…

Each single day has been magical and unforgettable because of Bunny. I never thought that having her would change so much in our lives. She made our days brighter and our nights better. Her laughter made the house a home, something that we all needed to have a change in perspective,  a change in viewing life. With her I noticed that E and I would save up as much as we could from our salaries and buy stuff for her. E even noticed that I have been super kuripot for the past few months, exchanging baby clothes for the usual mani pedis and baby shoes for my own pair of slip ons. Ah motherhood changed me to that extra kuripot woman I never thought was inside of me! Well, I was one before but the belt got extra tight when she came.

If before I always bought a pair or two of strappy sandals or shoes and a shirt or two or a dress every month, I now bought clothes at least just once every four months and sandals once every 6 months. Not because I didn’t want to (hello I love clothes and shoes) but because I wanted Bunny to have everything that she needed plus more. E was the same as well. And he said that he doesn’t need anything new as long as Bunny has everything that she needs.

I guess this was the reason why we felt extra guilty when we went out shopping yesterday. The goal was simple, buy new clothes for ourselves as well as shoes. The shopping part for the clothes bit was easy, because they didn’t cost that much (well of course if you add all up it will be a lot), but the shoes bit was difficult! We already had allotted a certain budget for it, but really it was excruciating to spend for ourselves.

We went around looking for shoes for E and we already picked one for him, but he was muttering that he felt guilty to which I replied that he needed it! He did! He was going on and on about how he didn’t need one and that men’s shoes are a tad more expensive than women’s shoes. I just kept on repeating to his ear that he needed it and that we wouldn’t be going home without one!

When it was my time to pick out my pair of shoes, I felt extra guilty as well. In my head that pair of Keds can already buy bunny 4 educational wooden toys, lots of dresses or ternos. I had a flashback of that wooden toy I wanted to buy for her. I started telling myself that I didn’t need it. As if he heard what was going on in my mind, E whispered that I needed it especially when we go to Bunny’s bi-weekly check-ups at Asian Hospital or when we go out with her. With a heavy heart I said fine but we had to buy her a pair as well (not Keds because there weren’t any tiny ones).

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After paying at the counter, I knew that what we bought were things that we needed not wanted. I then whispered to E, ” We deserve this, reward natin to for surviving Bunny’s first year.” To which he replied with a high five.

This was when I realized that sometimes as parents, well not really sometimes but most of the time, we sacrifice too much for our little ones. We don’t even care if we have no new things or we wear old stuff just so that we can give what they want, not what they need. This I think is the guilt that most working moms and dads feel. You are away most of the time (10 to 12 hours give and take depending on the traffic) and you don’t get to spend as much time as you would want with that tiny bundle of joy. However, what I realized is that they don’t really need a closet overflowing with new clothes, or a crib filled with toys. What they need and yearn for is just time with you. It doesn’t need to be a lot but it has to be real quality time with them.

Going back to our reward for this year, we were able to buy new shoes for E, Bunny, and I and we were matchy matchy! I think this will be an annual thing something E and I can bond over. How about you? What was your reward when your little one turned one?

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Dear Daughter Pt. 3

Hi Bunny,

Same with my second letter to  you, I write this while you are sleeping beside me (with the AC’s hum and your papa’s snore as my background music). Oh how time flew by so fast. On Tuesday you will be turning 11 months old, and just one more month until you turn a year old! I didn’t really think that time will pass us by so fast. Even though I never missed any of your big firsts, but I still want to push the pause button if that exists. I don’t want you to grow up so fast. I want you to stay tiny, always needing mommy, always asking for milky, always smiling and not worrying about big girl problems.

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I know that I am thinking way ahead, your papa would always tell me that my mind wanders off too much to the future that I sometimes let the moment pass by. I am just worried that you won’t need mummy as much when you turn a year old. I just worry that the hugsies and kissies (gummy kissies) will disappear. I worry that you wouldn’t be as attached to me because you won’t need milky that much. Your papa told me that I am worrying about trivial things, that you my little bunny, will still need mummy. That you don’t just need me because of your milky. Well, enough of me worrying about silly things then.

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Oh my little bunny, mummy started thinking about those things because you achieved so many milestones the past few weeks. Your first step towards your papa (which is so awesome because I know that he will remember that forever and because it happened with just the two of us in the room), the first time you fed yourself, your first independent sip from your sippy cup, your first clap, your first trick or treat, and your attempt to mimic head, shoulders, knees and toes (but really just reaching your head and your knees because your big chunky arm is on the way of your tiny hands reaching your shoulder!

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You make mummy so proud with each first you achieve, even if you look like you rolled on a bed of rice or squash, it is okay. It’s all part of your tiny step to independence. Just always remember that mummy will be here for you no matter what. I will drop everything just to be by your side when you need me, day or night.

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I love you from the moon and back.

Mummy

Returning to Work

I will soon go back to the office. This fact saddens me because I want to stay at home and take care of bunny. However, I know that I really have to go back to work so we can start saving up for her future. To be honest, I have considered being a WAHM, a work at home mom. I know that it is possible because I have been doing it since January, but for now I will try working full time first.

Look ma, I can lift my head up on my own!

Look ma, I can lift my head up on my own!

One of my worries in returning to a full-time job is missing special moments of bunny. Her first word, first time she crawls, first time of everything. Perhaps this is the reason why I have been taking lots of photos of bunny and lots of videos as well. I even told E that I want to purchase an extra camera or tablet for my godmother who will take care of bunny. To this he said that we can buy an extra tablet.

Bunny discovering her hands!

Bunny discovering her hands!

I’m even afraid that she will not recognize me when I get home, to this E just told me that bunny knows who I am and shouldn’t worry that much about it.

I know to some it may sound selfish, but I also want to go back to work for myself. Not because I don’t want to be with bunny, but because I want to be happy as I pursue my passion and have my family with me as I do so. If in the case that I will find it hard to not be with bunny 24/7, I will try to talk to my superiors and see if it is possible for me to work at home for a few days and be at the office some days. If not, I probably will consider being a full time WAHM. I mean, who can resist the urge to be with this cutie everyday?

all smiles for momma

all smiles for momma

Breastfeeding Working Momma

Only a few days left and I will have to go back to work. Before I gave birth to my little bunny I’ve always thought that it will be easy for me to go back to the office. Back then I was pretty sure that I’ll be super bored and will crave going back to the office after just a month. I was wrong. I found myself crying a few nights ago dreading the thought of leaving her and working.

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E and I talked about our options. He said that he can work for us but he will need to go overtime every day. I told him no, I will go back to work. My decision to go back to work is because I want to be a good example to my little bunny. I am not saying that stay at home moms don’t give a good example to their babies, they do too in showing that family is important. In my end, the reason why I think that going back to work is a good example for her is because I will show her that a woman can go for her dreams and have it all. A family life and a successful career. Aside from this, I want to help provide a better future for her. We are still thinking which educational fund we will get for her, but we will decide soon. Getting one earlier is better than later.

Preparing for Work

A few days ago I checked my email, and I have 1400+ unread emails! 1400!!!I am not even sure how I got 1400+ emails. Well perhaps that’s because I normally receive 100 emails per day, must be also a “perk” of being recently promoted. I have been slowly sifting through all of my emails. Ah, but it still keeps coming! I already asked my juniors to help catch me up by sending me updates about the brands that they are handling.

Breastfeeding Bunny

With my breast pump and nursing pads ready, I am determined to keep my little bunny exclusively breastfed for at least 6 months. I am almost at the mid point of my goal, since I will go back 2 days short of her third month.

This has become a priority of mine because I know that exclusively breast feeding her is good for her health. To date the only time we bring her to her pedia is for her vaccine shots. Even if her grandparents are sick, she never caught on to what they have. Ah liquid gold!

I know that it is difficult but I know that it can be done. Two weeks before I return to work I will start storing breast milk. Breast milk can last up to 8 months if stored and frozen properly (do note that you must only freeze freshly expressed breast milk). That is why starting next week I will collect and freeze! Bunny doesn’t feed at night since she started sleeping for 8-10 hours straight. Sometimes she still does, but more often than not I wake up with engorged breasts (ouch!).

In another post I will share my journey to have bunny exclusively breastfed, ah it was a bit hard at first but we made it!

Pampered Mom

A few weeks ago, I asked E if I can go out for awhile. For a break, to get my hair cut and my nails done. Of course I know that he will say no, not because he didn’t want me to get my break but because he still can’t handle bunny. He is a very hands on dad, but he’s a dad. He panics when she cries, which I think is normal.

Today, I tried it again. I asked him if I can have a 2 hour break to get my hair cut, my nails done, and my feet pampered. He said YES! So for the very first time, I went away by myself without bunny and E. This is a very unforgettable moment for me because the last time I had a legit alone time was weeks before my due date.

Did I feel guilty for leaving bunny and e? Yes, but I didn’t feel that bad after. You see I realized that I do need this. I need a time for myself, and only for myself. Not because I don’t love them, but because I love myself. Being a mom and e’s partner in crime does not give me an excuse to stop taking care of myself. I actually need to take better care of myself. I need to feel good about myself because I am still the same old me who loves getting massages and mani-pedis.

When I got home, I asked e how their first alone time was. He said it was okay, but at one point he didn’t know what else to do. That was when he realized that bunny was hungry. Unfortunately bunny didn’t like formula milk anymore, and my breastpump was broken so we had no milk stash yet. Great thing was I got home just a few minuted after bunny cried, so we immediately had our breastfeeding session.

A tip to all of the moms out there: No matter how busy you are, always have time for yourself. Set aside an hour or two a day just to do something that you love. Believe me, you deserve it!

Work – Life (Travel, Reading Books, Spending time with E) Balance

It has been 6 months since I last posted anything here in my blog. A lot has happened, a lot has changed, not.

I have learned a lot this year, though the end of this year is still 2 months away. I discovered that I have a tendency to overlook the most important people and things in my life. That happened because I was too consumed in becoming the best in what I am doing, in biting more than I can chew, in always saying yes. I’m just thankful that E understood me and that he even assured me that whatever happens he’ll stay by my side. 

I felt a bit guilty as well because I wasn’t spending as much time as I can with my mom. Though she’s getting better now, I know that she still needs somebody to push her to get back to her feet and be the mom she was before. I can’t help but admit that it’s hard to see her like this, but at least she’s getting better. I just have to reach this balance with my mom wherein she wouldn’t be too dependent on me and my brother. That she will just see that we’re here for her, but that she needed to also bounce back and be independent.

Things are getting better (and I’m seriously hoping that this whole work-life balance will last). And I am looking forward to 2014 hoping that it will be better than 2013.

 

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013

2012 in one word for me is challenging. It was one of the hardest year in my life. What made it difficult is seeing my mom succumb to depression again. 

Everything was going well, we even had our trip to Bohol planned out for her birthday, but she got sick again. It was hard, for me and for my whole family. Depression is hard to battle and it’s something that you have to deal with. You have to fight for it, and remember that being happy is a choice, you have to work hard for it. 

From May to August, mom stayed at the Hospital. It was hard because there were times when I visit her and not even a word comes out of her mouth. I would talk to her, but she didn’t respond. Physically she was there, but here being wasn’t there. Talking to her during those moments were like talking to God, you go on rambling about your day and you share the important things that happened to you, you know he listens but you don’t get a response. You just sit there waiting for something, anything, a sign perhaps that he understood what you were saying. 

It was hard, because I had to go to work with a brave face and not show that I am crumbling inside because I miss my mom and because I had to step up and be the “mum” at our house. I had to be brave and strong, not for myself but for the people around me.

Bubba and I were tested, we had our ups and downs but what I will take from 2012 is the fact that he really cares and he really loves me. I know that some may not understand where I am coming from but I know that he’s the one true person I can count on during the hard times of my life. I feel that our bond is now stronger and that I am more responsible for my actions. Before it was all about me, me, me, me, but now its different. We ended the year right with my birthday weekend and that I will treasure for a very long time.

This year was hard, because I felt betrayed by people who I thought would be my support group. I felt wronged even if I didn’t do anything to them, but I had to be the bigger person and just understand them. Forgiveness easily comes to me, but I don’t think I can look at them at the same way I did before. 

What made my year easier was finding friends among my crayzee work colleagues. They made my year fun and exciting. They made me laugh and made me realize that I am a very weird and crazy person specially after drinking a cup of coffee. 🙂 

What made 2012 easier is the fact that bubba stayed, he chose to stay by my side and take care of me. 🙂

I am done with 2012, and now I’m ready to tackle 2013! 🙂 Bring it on! 

 

Random Blah

So, finally talked to mom about Davao, we had this slight misunderstanding during the 4 day long weekend, wherein she exclaimed that she wouldn’t be going with me to Davao.

So this afternoon, I had to “convince” her to come with me to Davao, first of all the main reason I booked a flight there is because I have this goal to take her to the different tourist destinations here in the Philippines, and I already booked a room for two, there in Davao City so I need to make her come with me next week.

Our conversation went a little like this

Me: Ano ma sasama ka ba sa akin sa Davao?

Mom: Eh, wala akong pera, tsaka kailan ba yun?

Me: Wala ka namang masyadong gagastusin dun, 2 days lang tayo dun. Next week. ( Me to self, mom, I’m the one who ends up broke when we travel. )

Mom: Ah, kailan ang alis at balik?

Me: (to self, yes, ok na to payag na to) Monday ng umaga tapos Tuesday ng hapon balik na tayo, saglit lang.

Mom: Ah, sige sige.

End result, moms goin’ with me! Very much excited to go there, and I now have to decide whether we are going to Samal Island or not. Must go blog hopping for this!

Boracay Escapade 2011

Still not finished with my list, inspired ba the three versions of the DOT song, Pilipinas, Tara Na (Byahe Tayo) – for complete lyrics click here. 🙂 Will be posting it soon! 😀

So here’s a short post about my escapade with my mom (again) to Boracay. 🙂 It was my first time to go there, and again, I did not do the usual things that people expected me to do while I stayed there. 🙂 Primarily because I am not a party (tugs tugs) type of person, and I went there to relax and take in the beauty of Boracay. 🙂

As usual, our tickets was purchased through a seat sale from Cebu Pacific. 🙂 I paid for mom’s ticket as well, and lo and behold, I only paid Php500 per person, round trip ticket to Kalibo (oh yeah! you can check my tips on booking sulit seats on Cebu Pac here.) The highlight of my trip there was waking up each morning ( we stayed there for four days), to this. 🙂

It wasn’t that sunny, but it wasn’t raining hard either. But waking up to that beautiful scenery is just breath taking. 🙂 That’s another reason why I didn’t go off to party hard, because I had that wonderful morning scene to wake up to. Why get wasted when I can get a natural high from enjoying the beauty of the beach, while walking from station 3 to 1 and then back again to station 3? 🙂 (I even created a playlist just for that everyday walk, which pretty much consisted of feel good music from different genres, from Jason Mraz, to Florence and the Machine, to Glee Music)

Here’s the rest of our short but sweet escapade to Boracay. 🙂

Hello early morning flight to Boracay!

After a bumpy ride. 😀 Hello Boracay

Day 2: Mom and I :)

Baywatch ala Boracay (Mom cornered them lifeguards and asked if we can take a photo with them)

Stone/Rock collecting!

My first try at snorkeling, which had me singin' just keep swimming,just keep swimming, swimming, swimming because I saw Dory and Nemo :D

feet shot! :D

mom and i :D

Grotto. :)

 

Grotto 🙂