It has been a year, already. ALREADY! Now I fully get what other parent’s or grandparents mean when they say that time flies by so fast. It does! I honestly wanted to hit the pause button, but of course we don’t have the awesome remote from Click. This meant enjoying each and every single moment that we have with Bunny.
11 months and 20 days…
Each single day has been magical and unforgettable because of Bunny. I never thought that having her would change so much in our lives. She made our days brighter and our nights better. Her laughter made the house a home, something that we all needed to have a change in perspective, a change in viewing life. With her I noticed that E and I would save up as much as we could from our salaries and buy stuff for her. E even noticed that I have been super kuripot for the past few months, exchanging baby clothes for the usual mani pedis and baby shoes for my own pair of slip ons. Ah motherhood changed me to that extra kuripot woman I never thought was inside of me! Well, I was one before but the belt got extra tight when she came.
If before I always bought a pair or two of strappy sandals or shoes and a shirt or two or a dress every month, I now bought clothes at least just once every four months and sandals once every 6 months. Not because I didn’t want to (hello I love clothes and shoes) but because I wanted Bunny to have everything that she needed plus more. E was the same as well. And he said that he doesn’t need anything new as long as Bunny has everything that she needs.
I guess this was the reason why we felt extra guilty when we went out shopping yesterday. The goal was simple, buy new clothes for ourselves as well as shoes. The shopping part for the clothes bit was easy, because they didn’t cost that much (well of course if you add all up it will be a lot), but the shoes bit was difficult! We already had allotted a certain budget for it, but really it was excruciating to spend for ourselves.
We went around looking for shoes for E and we already picked one for him, but he was muttering that he felt guilty to which I replied that he needed it! He did! He was going on and on about how he didn’t need one and that men’s shoes are a tad more expensive than women’s shoes. I just kept on repeating to his ear that he needed it and that we wouldn’t be going home without one!
When it was my time to pick out my pair of shoes, I felt extra guilty as well. In my head that pair of Keds can already buy bunny 4 educational wooden toys, lots of dresses or ternos. I had a flashback of that wooden toy I wanted to buy for her. I started telling myself that I didn’t need it. As if he heard what was going on in my mind, E whispered that I needed it especially when we go to Bunny’s bi-weekly check-ups at Asian Hospital or when we go out with her. With a heavy heart I said fine but we had to buy her a pair as well (not Keds because there weren’t any tiny ones).
After paying at the counter, I knew that what we bought were things that we needed not wanted. I then whispered to E, ” We deserve this, reward natin to for surviving Bunny’s first year.” To which he replied with a high five.
This was when I realized that sometimes as parents, well not really sometimes but most of the time, we sacrifice too much for our little ones. We don’t even care if we have no new things or we wear old stuff just so that we can give what they want, not what they need. This I think is the guilt that most working moms and dads feel. You are away most of the time (10 to 12 hours give and take depending on the traffic) and you don’t get to spend as much time as you would want with that tiny bundle of joy. However, what I realized is that they don’t really need a closet overflowing with new clothes, or a crib filled with toys. What they need and yearn for is just time with you. It doesn’t need to be a lot but it has to be real quality time with them.
Going back to our reward for this year, we were able to buy new shoes for E, Bunny, and I and we were matchy matchy! I think this will be an annual thing something E and I can bond over. How about you? What was your reward when your little one turned one?